Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love – Charlie Brown

Sunny with a high of 68. Beautiful. Balmy. So completely opposite what I would have the sky be doing. If the weather followed my moods rather than science, it would have been a beautiful morning with clouds progressively rolling in throughout the late morning. A brief sunshine during lunch, then after that, the clouds came back. Around four, the rain would start dripping. Four thirty and we’re talking pretty significant rainfall. By 5 it’s a full-blown downpour. Wait, it gets better. By 5:30 the wind has kicked up and there’s a hurricane blowing in Washington.

An event. A solitary little thing that happened. One event out of thousands today. One event out of millions in my life. One occurred today, and one actually made me cry.

Come to think of it, I would cry now if I didn’t have the desire not to. Cry as in we’re talking more than I have in months.

As you may or may not remember, blue-radiance.net went through a server change about a month and a half ago. A lot of stuff was confusing and PHP was messed up at the time. I’ve been working with Ruth to get my PHP back up and running, and finally, today I checked my email and everything was set. Ecstatic, I logged in, the fear that had been looming since I lost all my fanlistings now returning. My muscles clenched as I rolled my mouse over to the scrollbar that would show me my 10 previous entries. The scrollbar wasn’t very long. I anxiously moved it down.

There was one entry. “testing” More than 17 months of blogs, gone. More than 140 entires, gone. Over a year of flipping memories and angst and bleeding crap I wanted to torture myself with remembering. Maybe they’re there somewhere, buried in the MySQL archives of b-r.net. At this point, I considered dropping off the face of blogdom and hiding in the refuge of livejournal. Losing blogs might not seem like a big deal to some people, but I’m the person who archived (by hand) 12 months of pre-b2 blogs. I’m the person who has finished around nine journals in the past six years (not including the 5 or so notebooks I’ve filled with story doodling, poetry, and observations).

At this point…I’m going to send a whimpering plea out to anyone who has read my blog for any length of time…if for some reason you happened to save any of my blogs or whatnot…could you please send them to me?

The layout is kind of dumb. But the other one, while melancholy, was not nearly dysphoric enough. Black rather suits my purposes today, and I like the quote, which I found today. being a girl and emotional.
I hope I don’t have much homework tonight. Cuz I haven’t done any since I got home four hours ago.

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