the end.

oh.  I guess it’s been a bit of a while.

I went to Alaska.  That was fun.  If you’re not my friend on facebook and want to see pics, let me know.  I’ve been working.  That’s kind of a drag.  I read Harry Potter.  And that’s all I can think about (so consider this a warning for massive spoilers ahead.)

Alas, as I try to type, I realize how I can’t right now… I finished it almost 24 hours ago and I feel like I’ve been halfway to tears the whole time.  And I am at a loss to figure out why.  Harry lived (although I would have liked him to die).  I’m trying to figure out how to reconcile my thought that he should have died, and the fact of his life.  Very little of what happened in the book is simple.  I try to accept it because it’s her world and thus that is what is.  But I try to hold on to my rendering of the world.

I want to weep for Fred and Remus and Tonks and Snape.  And Snape.  Why couldn’t there have been a reconciliation scene with him and Harry?  I believed that he would be good in the end, though I knew he had to die.  But I didn’t think he would be so canonized.  We’ve spent the last six books trying to figure out Harry’s hatred and Dumbledore’s trust in this enigmatic man who for all intents and purposes appeared to hate Harry.  Now we find out he loved him.  But only for Lily.  I would have liked to know if he came to love Harry for Harry through the process.  Why was he always so hateful?

Largely, I think I loved what happened, but I felt so much was missing…not only left out, but not even a possiblity of it alluded to.  Dudley’s transformation, Kreacher’s.  Even Remus’s.  The only characters that really grew in the book were Harry, Ron and Hermione (Harry grew a lot), but the others had such changes that required growth…and we missed out on them.

Oh…and for the record.  The epilgoue was complete crap, as everyone has been saying.  Tacked on, straight out of cheesy fan fiction.

I think I need to go take a nap and try to wrap my head around all these thoughts (like that’s going to happen).

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