As mentioned in the previous post. The novel is finished. Pretty crazy.
I haven’t gone back to actually read it yet. I started too but then decided it was too soon and I need more of a break from it. From the little that I have looked over in sending it to some people etc, I am very aware of it’s roughness (and already regretting that I let people read it lol). It is definitely fascinating as a look at where I was in the process though. As my roommate pointed out, the first paragraph is so obviously an attempt at ramping the word count haha. And at later points it becomes obvious that I’m trying to hurry things a long. Among things that are inconsistent, the characters, style, and pacing stand out. Part of that is only figuring things out as I went along instead of starting with a plan, but all the same, I almost feel bad for letting people read it.
It is very obviously influenced by the fact that I was reading Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf throughout the first half (can we say hello to stream-of-consciousness??).
I suppose I am my worst critic – and I feel this piece especially deserving of criticism, and I don’t shy away from it. But I think I also need to recognize the fact that it is a first draft. Whereas in college my pieces were usually short enough and I’d thought about them in advance, so I could pull off turning in my first draft. 103 page novel? Not so much. And that is okay. And I will resist the temptation to send a follow-up email to people who actually read this first draft, stating in nearly as many pages as the novel where I feel it is deficient. Or (more realistically) maybe I’ll send them a (shorter haha) piece that I am actually pleased with.
While I think I have found the happy medium that does not absolutely hate the entire thing and want to burn it, I still am not sure whether I’m going to try to salvage it and revise it to the point where yeah, maybe I’ll try to get it published. Something I’ve known about myself for a while is my desire for approval – and I don’t want to (at the risk of succeeding) publish something that I am not absolutely proud of. But maybe I could become proud of what the novel becomes down the road – who knows. At any rate, I am so thankful (and yes, somewhat proud of myself at the accomplishment) that I did this. The practice of writing every day (except one, I think) was so beneficial. Even if it was crap, at least I was writing. That’s a habit maybe I should hold on to.
Now, I am off to Spokane to spend the weekend with friends! 🙂 When I return you can expect photos of my Holiday Swap gift which arrived today but I’m literally on the way out the door. And some honesty (not that I’m not always honest, haha), courtesy of Danielle 😉 Happy weekend!!